I Think I’m Dead

AJ Wood
5 min readMay 23, 2022

A liberating thought from someone who has escaped the clutches of a dangerous parent

Photo by Jene Yeo on Unsplash

I think my sociopathic mother has convinced herself (and likely others) that I’m dead. Here’s why I think so.

When my father died about five years ago, she threw a monster blow-out of a pity party. She called clergy, friends and neighbors, cousins and uncles. Through them, she begged me to come home where I belong! “She loves her daddy so much!” she likely whined.

Actually, I don’t. My father was an enabling wimp who looked the other way when my mother tortured her child. His child. And he willingly participated in the abuse when she instructed him to. When I began to wonder why the thought of “loving my daddy” frightened and nauseated me, I concluded that he was every bit as dangerous as she was. No, I did not love my father. And I felt no need to honor his death in any way whatsoever.

I didn’t respond to my mother’s heart-rending pleas. I didn’t go to the funeral. I didn’t call, text, or send a sympathy card. What did I do? I went to the store for chips, dip, and soda pop. I celebrated. The day my father died was one the best days of my life.

Then last year, quite by accident, I ran across my brother’s obituary. The only person who tried to contact me was Ex Number Two. He sent clergy to tell me, because he was “concerned, and felt that I should know.” My mother didn’t call. She didn’t send a single flying monkey to whine that I was being “heartless and cruel to a mother who loved her.”

But wait a minute. Ex contacted me about two months after my brother died. That suggests that he was surprised by the news, just as I was. Did this mean that Ex and mommie dearest were no longer speaking? One can only hope.

Immediately after I severed contact with my mother, she and Ex Number Two got quite chatty. They swapped stories about how mentally unstable I was, how cruel, how hypocritical.

Also during this time, Ex became very concerned about my online security. He routinely took my computer away from me, to “install updates.” Served me up a huge word salad about spying, viruses, and malware. At the time, it didn’t register that these updates were installed automatically. When it finally dawned on me, I denied access to my computer.

AJ Wood

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